NFL Mid-Season Power Rankings

Written by Josh Katz Thursday, 21 October 2010 10:37

We are nearly halfway through the NFL regular season, and we seemingly know less than we did in Week 1. The AFC looks to be the superior conference, while the NFC is basically up for grabs. Without further a due, it is time for your boy to release the first ever Definitive Dose NFL Power Rankings. Hold on to your helmets.

Pittsburgh Steelers (4-1) – The Steel Curtain managed mighty fine without their troubled 2-time Super Bowl MVP QB for the first few weeks. This team was scary enough with Charlie Batch; wait until Ben gets it going.
Baltimore Ravens (4-2) – The Ravens get the edge over the Jets because they won the worst game ever played in Week 1. The Ravens are stout defensively, and Joe Flacco is yet to hit his stride. Plus, Boldin might’ve been the best offseason pickup of all.
New York Jets (5-1) – Ugh. I hate to say it, but Rex Ryan appears to be less of a fat fraud than I originally thought. Mark Sanchez has played well but above all else, the Jets find ways to win ugly. These are not your older brother’s Jets.
New England Patriots (4-1) – The Pats are always a threat the win the conference because of the Brady/Bellichick factor. It is going to take a tremendous effort from Welker and Branch to fill the Moss void, but as usual, the Pats are in the thick of things atop the AFC.
Indianapolis Colts (4-2) – Forgive me football gods, but Peyton Manning looks…like he’s getting…a little bit…older. The Colts are as solid as it gets in terms of being a complete team, but they remain one-dimensional on offense. The Colts need to run the ball more consistently if they want to get back to the Super Bowl.
Tennessee Titans (4-2) – Jeff Fischer can coach. Vince Young can make plays. The Titans always find ways to win and are not afraid to punch you in the mouth. They play great team defense and have the best running back in the land with Chris Johnson. Look for the Titans to make some noise in January.
New Orleans Saints (4-2) – The Saints are the defending champs, but have looked human so far. They have lost a couple of head-scratchers and could be 2-4 just as easily. The Saints are going to have to re-capture some of their 2009 magic if they have dreams of repeating.
Philadelphia Eagles (4-2) – It’s almost as if Andy Reid has pictures of Vick and Kolb on a dart board, blindfolds himself, spins around three times, throws the darts and BAM! That’s how he chooses his QB for each week. Whatever that cheesesteak-hoarding fool is doing, it’s working at the Link. So far.
New York Giants (4-2) – The Giants are beginning to earn some much-deserved respect for killing opposing teams’ quarterbacks. Osi and Tuck steal the ball at least twice a game, and Eli Manning is quietly putting up outstanding numbers. As long as Jacobs can hold on to his helmet, the G-Men can confidently say, “Why Not Us?”
Atlanta Falcons (4-2) – I called Matt Ryan the next Tom Brady when he came out of Boston College. He’s not quite there yet, but the Falcons seem to have a little extra hop in their step so far this season.
Houston Texans (4-2) – An enigma wrapped in a paradox. The Texans have the best receiver in the NFL in Johnson, along with a solid quarterback in Schaub and an outstanding back in Arian Foster. The Texans need to sure up their leaky secondary if they have hopes of upending the Colts in the AFC South.
Kansas City Chiefs (3-2) – The Chiefs are a little high on the list for a 3-2 squad, but KC seems to be headed in the right direction. The middle-America Patriots are doing their best to disturb the order of the airtight AFC with Matt Cassel and a multi-talented backfield.
Chicago Bears (4-2) – Da Bears are a strange team. Jay Cutler is a prolific passer, as long as he can lose the “who farted in the car?” look after every sack and incomplete pass. The Bears need to preach consistency if they want to steal the top spot in the tough NFC North.
Washington Redskins (3-3) – A regime change in Landover has made the Skins a little bit scarier than they have been in recent years. The days of being a NFC East doormat seem to be over, but the Redskins are a ways away from being a contender. Although anything is possible in the wide-open NFC.
Miami Dolphins (3-2) – The Phish have been rather gimmicky over the past couple of seasons, but have found a steady formula of run and pass to keep opponents off guard. But if Miami wants to contend, they need Chad Henne to be the guy, and quickly.
Green Bay Packers (3-2) – The Packers are dropping like flies and it may cost them the division. No Finley, no Grant and Rodgers coming off a concussion may spell doom for Wisconsin’s finest. The look very average, especially on offense.
Arizona Cardinals (3-2) – The Max Hall era has begun in the desert. The Cards got a quality win against the Saints, but do they have a realistic shot of winning anything with a rookie QB? Didn’t think so.
Minnesota Vikings (2-3) – A win over the goofy Cowboys is covering up the fact that this team has serious worries. Favre has become the Lindsay Lohan of the NFL with his raunchy texts, while this offense has looked mediocre thus far. If the Vikes want the top spot of the NFC North, they need to step their game up. Plus, Sid Rice could be back before you know it.
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (3-2) – The Bucs have been a nice surprise so far this season. Josh Freeman looks like he could be the next McNabb in a lot of ways, but the lack of a running game may hamper this young team down the stretch.
St. Louis Rams (3-3) – The Rams have been a nice surprise also this season. Bradford has been consistent, and the Rams have a future stud head coach in Steve Spags (Giant fans know what I mean). Look out for the Rams to maybe sneak into the playoff mix late this season.
Cincinnati Bengals (2-3) – Carson Palmer is my fantasy QB and has been as putrid as the Bengal offense. You forget that this team has OchoCinco and T.O. on the field, mostly because they have squandered most of their games away.
Denver Broncos (2-4) – How’s that Tebow pick working out for ya Josh McDaniels? Yeah, that’s what I thought. The Broncos better hope and pray things work out, because they traded away Brandon Marshall and Jay Cutler – to be a 2-4 team in the tough AFC.
San Diego Chargers (2-4) – What the hell is wrong with the Chargers? They look old, sluggish and disinterested. They are sans Tomlinson and V-Jax, which makes sense as to why this team has fallen apart early on. Good ole’ Norv Turner, always a bridesmaid, never a bride.
Seattle Seahawks (3-2) – This team is exactly what I thought they would be. Over-achievers. They do have a little spunk with Pete Carroll as head coach, but the Seahawks are going to have to put together a nice little winning streak in order to contend. The good? Their division is awful.
Dallas Cowboys (1-4) – LOLZ. The Cowboys are more hysterical this season than usual. This team must practice ways to blow games and shoot themselves in the foot. I picture the Cowboys war room like Dr. Evil’s room in Austin Powers, with Jerry Jones as Dr. Evil. You know, the one where Dr. Evil presses buttons to have his failing henchmen fall into that fiery pit? Wade Phillips may be fired before I finish typing this column.
Jacksonville Jaguars (3-3) – It is my opinion that the Jaguars are the most uninteresting team in all of football. While they are .500, MJD has been awful, especially because he was my second overall pick in my fantasy draft. Thanks for nothing from the Trailer Park capital of the world.
San Francisco 49ers (1-5) – Can I win with him? No Mike Singletary, you can’t. Not with Alex “my hands are too small” Smith at the helm. Maybe the Niners could call Steve Young; he seems bored on ESPN’s Monday Night Countdown.
Detroit Lions (1-5) – The Lions have lost some heartbreakers this season and are a couple of plays away from being a .500 club. But, they are the Lions, who have perfected the art of losing since their 0-16 season.
Oakland Raiders (2-4)- How does this team still exist? The Raiders are by far the funniest team in the league. They should hire someone to make Al Davis disappear, before this team moves back to Los Angeles so no one can care about them down there.
Cleveland Browns (1-5) – I for one am thrilled to see Colt McCoy starting for the Brownies. Why this team bothered with Jake Delhomme and Seneca Wallace is beyond me. At least they can evaluate McCoy while they search for a new head coach.
Carolina Panthers (0-5) – Oy vey. I feel for former Giants D-coordinator John Fox, who looks as clueless as Matt Moore and Jimmy Clausen combined.
Buffalo Bills (0-5) – They hired Chan Gailey. They have Ryan Fitzpatrick playing quarterback. This team should just move to Toronto and save everyone in Buffalo a lot of grief.