Friday May 26
Written by Ben Pogany
  1. Louis CK
  2. Bill Burr
  3. Hannibal Buress
  4. Amy Schumer
  5. Tina Fey
  6. Jon Oliver
  7. Stephen Colbert
  8. Will Ferrell
  9. Dave Chappelle
  10. Seth MacFarlane
  11. Matt Stone and Trey Parker
  12. Kevin Hart
  13. Conan O'Brien
  14. Ricky Gervais
  15. Nick Offerman
  16. Chris Rock
  17. Amy Poehler
  18. Andy Samberg
  19. Jim Gaffigan
  20. Kristen Wiig
  21. Aziz Ansari
  22. John Mulaney
  23. Jimmy Fallon
  24. Larry David
  25. Pete Davidson
  26. Anthony Jeselnik
  27. Brian Regan
  28. Kyle Kinane 
  29. Ron Funches
  30. Melissa McCarthy
  31. Jon Stewart
  32. Seth Meyers
  33. Jeff Ross
  34. Abbi Jacobson & Ilana Glazer
  35. Michael Che
  36. Maria Bamford
  37. Demitri Martin
  38. T.J. Miller
  39. Howard Stern
  40. Zach Galifianakis

Bubble: Bill Maher, Charlie Day, Jimmy Kimmel, Daniel Tosh, Rob McElhenney, Bobby Moynihan, Danny McBride, Bill Hader, Kenan Thompson, Jane Lynch,  Jim Parsons, Ty Burrell, JB Smoove, Charles Barkley, Justin Timberlake, Jerry Seinfeld, Jordan Klepper, Tig Notaro, Sacha Baron Cohen, Jason Sudeikis, Lena Dunham, Adam Carolla, David Cross, Paul Rudd, Marc Maron, Rebel Wilson, Neil Patrick Harris, Tracy Morgan.

Written by Ben Pogany
Definitive Dose fondly recalls the 25 most hilarious Chappelle's show skits.  Mmm Mmm bitch!!

  1. Reparations
  2. Tyrone Biggums Classroom Visit
  3. The N*ggar Family
  4. Jury Selection
  5. Rick James: Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories
  6. HBO: Real Sex Street Interview
  7. R. Kelly's "Piss On You" music videos
  8. Wayne Brady's Show
  9. The Mad Real World
  10. Samuel Jackson beer
  11. Clayton Bigsbey, Black White Supremacist
  12. Zapped
  13. Wrap It Up
  14. Fisticuffs: Turn My Headphones Up
  15. Dave on MTV Cribs
  16. Black Bush
  17. Trading Spouses
  18. Wu-Tang Financial
  19. Prince: Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories
  20. When Keeping it Real Goes Wrong
Written by Ben Pogany
When it comes to sports milestones, there really is nothing quite like the 3,000 hit club.  We don't have a 20,000 point club or a 100 touchdown club; in other sports, it's just numbers.  In baseball, it's a rite of passage.  But even within a sport obsessed with every stat from RBI's to VORP, the 3,000 hit club trumps them all.  Sure, we have so called "clubs" for 500 home runs, 300 saves, going 30 and 30 and so on, but none carry quite the prestige and fanfare as hitting 3K.  Entering the 3,000 hit club is like being given baseball's green jacket, an induction ceremony of sorts for baseball's truly elite batsmen.  One can only imagine the 20 living members meeting in some secret fortress once a year like the Stonecutters, tugging on the game's unseen strings for their personal amusement (As if Jim Joyce was acting alone...)  Not hard to see why this is the one fraternity every Little Leaguer shoots for from the day they can pick up a bat. Sadly, as the next two prospective entrees can evince, some just don't know when to stop shooting....

The Current Pledge Class

Alex Rodriguez (age 37) ---2,939 hits to date
Ichiro Suzuki (age 39) ---2,742 hits to date
Albert Pujols (age 33) ---2,347 hits to date
Miguel Cabrera (age 30) ---1,995 hits to date
Adrian Beltre (age 34) ---2,426 hits to date
User Rating: / 129
1) Yankees--Established in 1901, based in NY since 1903.  27 World Championships and 40 Pennants
Last championship: 2009
All-Time Win %: .569 (1st)
Total Hall of Famers: 43 (4th)
Noteworthy Stat:
Has hit over 1,000 more home runs (14,916) than any other team
Current Payroll: $224,700,000
Defining Ballpark: Yankee Stadium
Defining Voice: Mel Allen
Defining Managers:
Casey Stengel, Joe McCarthy, Joe Torre
The Legends:
Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Mickey Mantle, Joe DiMaggio, Yogi Berra, Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Whitey Ford, Phil Rizzuto, Thurman Munson.
2) Cardinals--Established in 1881.  11 World Series titles and 19 Pennants
Last championship: 2011
All-Time Win %: .520 (4th)
Total Hall of Famers: 42 (5th)
Noteworthy Stat: Has had more players (2,020) than any other team
Current Payroll: $113,700,000
Defining Ballpark: Busch Stadium
Defining Voice: Jack Buck
Defining Manager:
Whitey Herzog
The Legends:
Rogers Hornsby, Stan Musial, Bob Gibson, Albert Pujols, Ozzie Smith, Dizzy Dean, Lou Brock, Red Schoendienst, Enos Slaughter, Bruce Sutter.
3) Giants--Established in 1883, based in San Francisco since 1958.  8 World Series titles and 23 Pennants
Last championship: 2014
All-Time Win %: .538 (2nd)
Total Hall of Famers: 56 (1st)
Noteworthy Stat: Leads all teams with 10,692 wins
Current Payroll: $139,800,000
Defining Ballpark: Polo Grounds
Defining Voice: Russ Hodges
Defining Manager:
John McGraw
The Legends:
Willie Mays, Mel Ott, Christy Mathewson, Juan Marichal, Orlando Cepeda, Willie McCovey, Bill Terry, Carl Hubbell, Gaylord Perry, Barry Bonds.
4) Red Sox--Established in 1901. 8 World Series titles and 13 Pennants
Last championship: 2013
All-Time Win %: .517 (5th)
Total Hall of Famers: 34 (tied for 9th)
Current Payroll: $150,300,000
Defining Ballpark: Fenway Park
Defining Voices: Curt Gowdy, Jerry Remy
Defining Managers:
Joe Cronin, Terry Francona
The Legends:
Ted Williams, Carl Yastrzemski, Jimmie Foxx, David Ortiz, Tris Speaker, Pedro Martinez, Joe Cronin, Jim Rice, Harry Hooper, Manny Ramirez.
5) Dodgers--Established in 1883, based in LA since 1958.  6 World Series titles and 22 Pennants
Last championship: 1988
All-Time Win %: .526 (3rd)
Total Hall of Famers: 46 (tied for 2nd)
Noteworthy Stat: Leads all teams with an 3.54 all-time ERA
Current Payroll: $211,500,000
Defining Ballpark: Ebbets Field
Defining Voices: Vin Skully, Red Barber
Defining Managers:
Walter Alston, Tommy Lasorda
The Legends:
Jackie Robinson, Sandy Koufax, Duke Snider, Roy Campanella, Don Sutton, Don Drysdale, Pee Wee Reese, Jim Gilliam, Dazzy Vance, Zack Wheat.
6) Athletics--Established in 1901, based in Oakland since 1968.  9 World Series titles and 15 Pennants
Last championship: 1989
All-Time Win %: .487 (17th)
Total Hall of Famers: 36 (8th)
Current Payroll: $58,400,000
Defining Ballpark: Oakland Coliseum, Shibe Park
Defining Voice: Bill King
Defining Manager:
Connie Mack
The Legends:
Reggie Jackson, Ricky Henderson, Catfish Hunter, Dennis Eckersley, Rollie Fingers, Lefty Grove, Bert Campaneris, Eddie Plank, Jimmie Foxx, Al Simmons.
7) Braves--Established in 1871, based in Atlanta since 1966.  3 World Series titles and 17 Pennants
Last championship: 1995
All-Time Win %: .500 (13th)
Total Hall of Famers: 46 (tied for 2nd)
Noteworthy Stat: Tied with the Cubs for the oldest team still in existence
Current Payroll: $87,600,000
Defining Ballpark: Turner Field, Braves Field
Defining Voice: Ernie Johnson Sr
Defining Manager: Bobby Cox
The Legends:
Warren Spahn, Hank Aaron, Greg Maddux, Eddie Mathews, Phil Niekro, Dale Murphy, Chipper Jones, Tom Glavine, John Smoltz, Andrew Jones.
8) Reds--Established in 1869.  5 World Series titles and 10 Pennants
Last championship: 1990
All-Time Win %: .507 (9th)
Total Hall of Famers: 34 (tied for 9th)
Current Payroll: $101,310,000
Defining Ballpark: Great American Ballpark, Riverfront Stadium
Defining Voice: Marty Brennaman
Defining Managers:
Sparky Anderson, Fred Hutchinson
The Legends:
Pete Rose, Johnny Bench, Joe Morgan, Tony Perez, Dave Concepción, Frank Robinson, Barry Larkin, Ernie Lombardi, Eppa Rixey, Edd Rousch.
9) Pirates--Established in 1882.  5 World Series titles and 9 Pennants
Last championship: 1979
All-Time Win %: .504 (10th)
Total Hall of Famers: 40 (7th)
Current Payroll: $75,200,000
Defining Ballpark: Three Rivers Stadium, PNC Park
Defining Voice: Bob Prince
Defining Manager:
Danny Murtaugh
The Legends:
Roberto Clemente, Ralph Kiner, Honus Wagner, Willie Stargell, Bill Mazeroski, Paul Waner, Lloyd Waner, Pie Traynor, Max Carey, Arky Vaughan.
10) Tigers--Established in 1894.  4 World Series titles and 11 Pennants
Last championship: 1984
All-Time Win %: .508 (8th)
Total Hall of Famers: 21 (16th)
Current Payroll: $147,500,000
Defining Ballpark: Tiger Stadium, Comerica Park
Defining Voice: Ernie Harwell
Defining Manager:
Sparky Anderson
The Legends:
Ty Cobb, Hank Greenberg, Al Kaline, Charlie Gehringer, Hal Newhouser, Sam Crawford, George Kell, Harry Heilmann, Mickey Cochrane, Willie Horton.

Quick Facts:
--The Rockies lead all teams with a .275 all-time batting average but trail all with a 4.99 ERA.  They are also the only team to not have had a single player inducted into the Hall of Fame.
--The Cubs lead all teams with 96,851 all-time runs scored and 189,539 hits.
--The Rays trail teams in winning % (.462), runs scored (13,531), and hits (26,905).  They also have the 2nd worst all-time ERA at 4.42.
--The Mets and Padres trail all teams with a .250 all-time batting average.
--The Phillies have the most losses (10,741) and are most than 300 more games under .500 (-1143) than the next worst team.
--Only two teams have failed to win a single pennant: the Nationals and the Mariners.
--Seven teams have failed to win a single World Series title: the Rangers, Astros, Brewers, Nationals, Padres, Mariners, Rockies, and Rays.
Written by Ben Pogany
Call me crazy, but the first thing I thought of upon hearing the news of Peyton’s dismissal was that scene at the end of The Godfather, when Abe Vigoda’s character is pleading for his life after selling Michael out to the rival Barzini Family.  “Tell Mike it was only business.  I always liked him.”  But hey, maybe I’m being too harsh in comparing the NFL to the criminal underground.  At least in the Mafia, this breach of loyalty is the exception instead of the rule, a virtue instead of an outdated vestige from a bygone era.  (And when a bounty is taken out on someone, I’ll bet the compensation’s better.) 

However, what’s to follow in this Manning saga is more likely going to resemble the third Godfather than the first.  Peyton wasn’t just a great player, he was an Indianapolis institution.  Seeing him in a different uniform, like with Montana, Favre, and Rice before him, seems almost unthinkable.  Call it the Godfather III effect.  Same guy we've known all along, but it just feels wrong.  It’s that final chapter most fans wish they could pretend never happened.

In today's cutthroat NFL, the franchise lifer is becoming more and more of an endangered species. All along, it seemed like Peyton could be that guy, a throwback to the age before athletes were little more than mercenaries.  Sadly, even he couldn't overcome business as usual.  Here are the few remaining relics for whom it always felt exactly as it should.

The 25 Greatest NFL Players to Spend Entire Career With One Team Since The Dawn of Free Agency (Roughly 1990-Present)
  1. Tom Brady* (New England Patriots)
  2. Barry Sanders (Detroit Tigers)
  3. John Elway** (Denver Broncos)
  4. Dan Marino** (Miami Dolphins)
  5. Bruce Matthews (Oilers/Titans)
  6. Ray Lewis (Baltimore Ravens)
  7. Troy Aikman (Dallas Cowboys)
  8. Michael Irvin (Dallas Cowboys)
  9. Jonathan Ogden (Baltimore Ravens)
  10. Jim Kelly** (Buffalo Bills)
  11. Marvin Harrison (Indianapolis Colts)
  12. Michael Strahan (New York Giants)
  13. Troy Polamalu* (Pittsburgh Steelers)
  14. Brian Urlacher (Chicago Bears)
  15. Derrick Thomas (Kansas City Chiefs)
  16. Darrell Green (Washington Redskins)
  17. Derrick Brooks (Tampa Bay Buccaneers)
  18. Eli Manning* (New York Giants)
  19. Walter Jones (Seattle Seahawks)
  20. Ben Roethlisberger* (Pittsburgh Steelers)
  21. Reggie Wayne* (Indianapolis Colts)
  22. Terrell Davis (Denver Broncos)
  23. Hines Ward (Pittsburgh Steelers)
  24. Aaron Rodgers* (Green Bay Packers)
  25. Adrian Peterson* (Minnesota Vikings)
* Active
**Career began pre-1990
Written by Ben Pogany
User Rating: / 48
Shaq Diesel has finally run out of gas. Luckily, short of pulling an Antoine Walker, the newly deemed Big 401k is set for several lives to come.  In a now classic bit, Chris Rock quipped “Shaq is rich.  The white man who signs his checks…is wealthy.” Maybe its just me, but I gotta think that distinction dissolves somewhere around the quarter-billion mark.  This is a guy who made more in his NBA career than Jordan, Bird, Kareem, Wilt and Russell combined.  And that’s not even counting all that Shaq Fu paper. 

Other than teammate Kevin Garnett, Shaq is in another stratosphere when it comes to career NBA earnings.  Kobe might have an extra ring, but the Shaqtus has an extra $70 million.  Seriously.  Shaquille O'Neal has made 70 million dollars more than the third highest paid athlete in the history of the NBA.  Anyway, with all this talk of money, it seemed like a pretty good excuse to put together a list of the highest career earners in NBA history.

------------The $100 Million Club (Updated through 2013-2014 season) 
  1. Kevin Garnett — $315,372,398
  2. Shaquille O’Neal — $292,198,327
  3. Kobe Bryant — $279,738,062
  4. Tim Duncan — $224,709,155
  5. Dirk Nowitzki — $204,063,985
  6. Jason Kidd — $187,675,468
  7. Paul Pierce -- $184,819,552
  8. Ray Allen -- $184,356,410
  9. Chris Webber — $178,230,697
  10. Jermaine O’Neal — $168,794,021
  11. Elton Brand — $165,338,631
  12. Tracy McGrady — $162,978,278
  13. Vince Carter — $161,663,315
  14. Rasheed Wallace — $158,110,581
  15. Pau Gasol -- $156,574,396
  16. Rashard Lewis - $155,332,815
  17. Allen Iverson — $154,494,445
  18. Juwan Howard — $151,465,633
  19. Stephon Marbury — $151,115,945
  20. Joe Johnson -- $150,571,837
  21. Baron Davis - $147,692,983
  22. Alonzo Mourning — $143,906,333
  23. Dikembe Mutombo — $143,666,581
  24. Antawn Jamison — $142,545,596
  25. Amar'e Stoudemire -- $142,287,721
  26. Grant Hill — $140,879,650
  27. Gilbert Arenas -- $140,714,721
  28. Michael Finley — $138,576,839
  29. Carmelo Anthony -- $135,865,275
  30. Shawn Marion -- $133,488,272
  31. Marcus Camby --  $129,397,940
  32. LeBron James -- $129,155,913
  33. Zach Randolph -- $138,624,765
  34. Steve Nash -- $137,235,620
  35. Carlos Boozer -- $129,309,736
  36. Zydrunas Ilgauskas — $124,487,723
  37. Chris Bosh -- $123,404,753
  38. Dwight Howard -- $123,289,952
  39. Dwyane Wade -- $121,321,666
  40. Tyson Chandler -- $120,482,385
  41. Anfernee Hardaway — $120,469,142
  42. Patrick Ewing — $119,943,120*
  43. Allan Houston — $117,556,500
  44. Antonio McDyess -- $116,638,859
  45. David Robinson — $116,500,123*
  46. Lamar Odom -- $115,967,658
  47. Scottie Pippen -- $109,192,430
  48. Richard Hamilton --$109,166,043
  49. Antoine Walker -- $108,142,015
  50. Tony Parker -- $107,446,521
  51. Chauncey Billups -- $107,227,720
  52. Hakeem Olajuwon -- $107,011,426*
  53. Mike Bibby -- $107,093,621
  54. Richard Jefferson -- $106,607,314
  55. Gary Payton -- $104,367,619
  56. Karl Malone -- $104,133,378*
  57. Steve Francis -- $103,501,131
  58. Jalen Rose -- $102,438,250
  59. Michael Redd -- $101,991,325
  60. Reggie Miller -- $101,311,748
  61. Eddie Jones -- $101,254,222
  62. Manu Ginobili -- $101,225,615

All earnings are according to and do not include endorsements or outside endeavors.  In addition, all figures are to date and do not consider future earnings, even if contractually guaranteed. 

*Due to incomplete data from the late 1980's, figures marked with an asterisk may be slightly off.

Written by Ben Pogany

Here are the 100 most memorable, well-crafted, mesmerizing, hilarious, or just plain bad-ass characters of the past 50 years.

  1. Vito Corleone-The Godfather
  2. Hannibal Lector- Silence of the Lambs
  3. James Bond- Goldfinger
  4. The Joker- The Dark Knight
  5. Jules Winnfield- Pulp Fiction
  6. Gollum- Lord of the Rings
  7. Daniel Plainview- There Will Be Blood
  8. The Dude- The Big Lebowski
  9. John Doe- Se7en
  10. Luke- Cool Hand Luke
  11. Darth Vader- Star Wars
  12. Rocky- Rocky
  13. The Man With No Name- The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
  14. Michael Corleone- The Godfather
  15. Forrest Gump- Forest Gump
  16. Indiana Jones- Raiders of the Lost Ark
  17. Tony Montana- Scarface
  18. Marty McFly- Back to the Future
  19. Keyser Soze/Verbal Kint- The Usual Suspects
  20. Anton Chigurh- No Country For Old Men
  21. Travis Bickle- Taxi Driver
  22. Han Solo- Star Wars
  23. Wooderson- Dazed and Confused
  24. Hal 9000- 2001: A Space Odyssey
  25. Ron Burgundy- Anchorman
  26. Frank Booth- Blue Velvet
  27. Beatlejuice- Beatlejuice
  28. Dr. Strangelove- Dr. Strangelove
  29. Frank Costello- The Departed
  30. Jake LaMotta- Raging Bull
  31. Tyler Durden- Fight Club
  32. Hans Landa- Inglourious Bastards
  33. The Terminator- The Terminator
  34. Harry Callahan- Dirty Harry
  35. Ellen Ripley-Alien
  36. Edward Scissorhands- Edward Scissorhands
  37. RP McMurphy- One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
  38. Detective Alonzo Harris- Training Day
  39. Butch Cassidy- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
  40. Jack Torrence- The Shining
  41. Carl Spackler- Caddyshack
  42. Mr. Miyagi- The Karate Kid
  43. Mr. Blonde- Reservoir Dogs
  44. Walter E. Kurtz- Apocalypse Now
  45. Ferris Bueller- Ferris Bueller's Day Off
  46. Derek Zoolander- Zoolander
  47. Bluto- Animal House
  48. Tommy DeVito- Goodfellas
  49. Vinny Gambini- My Cousin Vinny
  50. Max Cady- Cape Fear
  51. Lee Grossman-Tropic Thunder
  52. Shaft- Shaft
  53. Kevin McCallister- Home Alone
  54. William Wallace- Braveheart
  55. Spicoli- Fast Times at Ridgemont High
  56. John McClain- Die Hard
  57. Oskar Schindler-Schindler's List
  58. Marge Gunderson- Fargo
  59. Alex Forrest- Fatal Attraction
  60. E.T.- E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial
  61. Red Redding- The Shawshank Redemption
  62. Howard Beale- Network
  63. Amelie- Amelie
  64. Bill 'The Butcher' Cutting- Gangs of New York
  65. Axel Foley- Beverly Hills Cop
  66. Michael- The Deer Hunter
  67. Alan- The Hangover
  68. Patrick Bateman- American Psycho
  69. Harmonica- Once Upon a Time in the West
  70. Frank Serpico- Serpico
  71. Ace Ventura- Ace Venture: Pet Detective
  72. Raymond Babbitt- Rain Man
  73. Wall-E- Wall-E
  74. Phil Conners- Grounydhog Day
  75. Freddy Krueger- A Nightmare on Elm Street
  76. Lieutenant Colonel Frank Slade- Scent of a Woman
  77. Rooster Cogburn- True Grit
  78. Ratso Rizzo- Midnight Cowboy
  79. Stifler- American Pie
  80. Austin Powers- Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
  81. William 'Bill' Munny- Unforgiven
  82. General George S. Patton- Patton
  83. The Bride- Kill Bill
  84. Quint- Jaws
  85. Alex Delarge- A Clockwork Orange
  86. Ben Braddock- The Graduate
  87. Napoleon Dynamite- Napoleon Dynamite
  88. Leonard Shelby- Memento
  89. Sgt. Elias Grodin- Platoon
  90. Raoul Duke- Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
  91. FBI Special Agent Paul Smecker- The Boondock Saints
  92. Jake Gittes- Chinatown
  93. Mad Max- Mad Max
  94. V- V for Vendetta
  95. George Hanson- Easy Rider
  96. Peter Venkman- Ghostbusters
  97. Max Fischer- Rushmore
  98. Derek Vinyard- American History X
  99. Popeye Doyle- The French Connection
  100. Annie Wilkes- Misery

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The Classic Movie Quote Compendium
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